Debunking the Myths about Prenuptial Agreements

Excerpts from Prenups for Lovers

Misinformation and lack of information have given prenuptial agreements a bad name. A prenuptial agreement is often seen as cold and calculating, cynical and sinister, even as a prescription for divorce. But a well-drafted prenuptial agreement can make your marriage stronger, more caring and more carefree. The book debunks dozens of myths about prenuptial agreements. Here are a few:

Myth #1

A prenuptial agreement says, "I don't love you, I don't trust you."

Reality: In a prenuptial agreement, you are open and honest with your partner about money and other matters. You don't keep any secrets. The nub of a prenup is disclosure of all your assets and liabilities to your partner in a net worth statement and resolution of financial matters.

You also have an opportunity to grapple with lifestyle issues. When you're planning the rest of your life with another human being, you're supposed to share your hopes, dreams, demons and doubts. Unmet expectations are a major source of marital breakdown.

A prenuptial agreement provides the vehicle and impetus for full disclosure and discussion of what you and your partner expect from the marriage in both personal and financial arenas. In sum, in a prenuptial agreement you tell your partner everything. You broach delicate and private topics; you tell each other secrets and expose your vulnerabilities. It's an opportunity to work out your differences. You bare your soul and express an abiding love and trust for one another. What could be more romantic?

Myth #2

Prenuptial agreements are only for celebrities, tycoons and moguls.

Reality: Jacqueline Kennedy and Aristotle Onassis had one; so did Donald Trump with both Ivana and Marla; Michael Jackson with Lisa Marie Presley and Debbie Rowe; Elizabeth Taylor with Larry Fortensky; Henry Kravis with Carolyne Roehm. Why not you? Prenuptial agreements are not only for stars, but also for just about everyone. Prenups are critical if your parents are planning to make gifts or leave you an inheritance. They are essential if you want to protect family businesses or professional licenses or practices. They are advisable if you will be supporting your partner through professional school or leaving the workforce for child rearing. Prenuptial agreements are imperative if you have responsibilities to children from a previous marriage or to aging parents. But they are invaluable for anyone getting married.

Myth #3

Young people don't need prenuptial agreements.

Reality: The opposite is true. Since young people don't have assets at the outset of the marriage, the entire pot of assets acquired after marriage is potentially in dispute. Today's waitress may be tomorrow's movie star, and today's computer geek may be tomorrow's e-mogul, and such prospects should be protected. As a young person, you may be vulnerable because you are idealistic and not knowledgeable about domestic relations laws. Prenuptial agreements can give you an education. What you learn could prevent a rude awakening later. You can tailor your agreement to fit your circumstances: You can agree to share your assets 50/50, some other ratio or not at all. And you can decide what to do about one another's debts.

Myth #4

A prenuptial agreement is unnecessary because our legal system resolves disputes in the event of divorce or death.

Reality: In court you are playing Russian Roulette with your life. You are subjecting yourself to the vagaries and unpredictability of the judicial system. What's more, if you engage in litigation, you are involved in an extremely expensive proposition, both emotionally and financially. Prenuptial agreements allow you and your partner to determine your own destiny and to override the laws of the state. In an atmosphere of mutual good faith, you custom-tailor the laws to suit your own needs and desires.