Debunking the Myths about Prenuptial Agreements
Excerpts from Prenups for Lovers
Misinformation and lack of information have given prenuptial agreements
a bad name. A prenuptial agreement is often seen as cold and calculating,
cynical and sinister, even as a prescription for divorce. But a
well-drafted prenuptial agreement can make your marriage stronger,
more caring and more carefree. The book debunks dozens of myths
about prenuptial agreements. Here are a few:
Myth #1
A prenuptial agreement says, "I don't love you, I don't trust
you."
Reality: In a prenuptial agreement, you
are open and honest with your partner about money and other matters.
You don't keep any secrets. The nub of a prenup is disclosure of
all your assets and liabilities to your partner in a net worth statement
and resolution of financial matters.
You also have an opportunity to grapple with lifestyle issues.
When you're planning the rest of your life with another human being,
you're supposed to share your hopes, dreams, demons and doubts.
Unmet expectations are a major source of marital breakdown.
A prenuptial agreement provides the vehicle and impetus for full
disclosure and discussion of what you and your partner expect from
the marriage in both personal and financial arenas. In sum, in a
prenuptial agreement you tell your partner everything. You broach
delicate and private topics; you tell each other secrets and expose
your vulnerabilities. It's an opportunity to work out your differences.
You bare your soul and express an abiding love and trust for one
another. What could be more romantic?
Myth #2
Prenuptial agreements are only for celebrities, tycoons and moguls.
Reality: Jacqueline Kennedy and Aristotle
Onassis had one; so did Donald Trump with both Ivana and Marla;
Michael Jackson with Lisa Marie Presley and Debbie Rowe; Elizabeth
Taylor with Larry Fortensky; Henry Kravis with Carolyne Roehm. Why
not you? Prenuptial agreements are not only for stars, but also
for just about everyone. Prenups are critical if your parents are
planning to make gifts or leave you an inheritance. They are essential
if you want to protect family businesses or professional licenses
or practices. They are advisable if you will be supporting your
partner through professional school or leaving the workforce for
child rearing. Prenuptial agreements are imperative if you have
responsibilities to children from a previous marriage or to aging
parents. But they are invaluable for anyone getting married.
Myth #3
Young people don't need prenuptial agreements.
Reality: The opposite is true. Since
young people don't have assets at the outset of the marriage, the
entire pot of assets acquired after marriage is potentially in dispute.
Today's waitress may be tomorrow's movie star, and today's computer
geek may be tomorrow's e-mogul, and such prospects should be protected.
As a young person, you may be vulnerable because you are idealistic
and not knowledgeable about domestic relations laws. Prenuptial
agreements can give you an education. What you learn could prevent
a rude awakening later. You can tailor your agreement to fit your
circumstances: You can agree to share your assets 50/50, some other
ratio or not at all. And you can decide what to do about one another's
debts.
Myth #4
A prenuptial agreement is unnecessary because our legal system
resolves disputes in the event of divorce or death.
Reality: In court you are playing Russian
Roulette with your life. You are subjecting yourself to the vagaries
and unpredictability of the judicial system. What's more, if you
engage in litigation, you are involved in an extremely expensive
proposition, both emotionally and financially. Prenuptial agreements
allow you and your partner to determine your own destiny and to
override the laws of the state. In an atmosphere of mutual good
faith, you custom-tailor the laws to suit your own needs and desires.
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